| sayonara lj |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|05:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | outkast-the love below | ] |
sorry to jump on the bandwagon folks but this is going to be my final lj entry. for now anyhow. i'm sure you know my reasoning so i'll skip that spiel. on with the update, ay!
so christmas was swell, and lots of people had christmas parties and that was sweet. new years we went to hogwags, and new year's day (this was the best part) we swam with the motherfucking CONEY ISLAND POLAR BEAR CLUB. it was probably one of the best days of my life. there were so many people there, it was such a big party, and it was beautiful and warm out. there were so many weirdos and fun people. the actual swim was so much fun, it lasted like 3 minutes but it was 3 minutes of sheer joy. i have a little video of us doing it, i'll show you if you ask me.
since new years i've pretty much been working. i had to do two weeks of training/orientation, yesterday was my first official day. in some ways i really love the job but in other ways i'm not crazy about it. i have no problem with actually caring for the people (bathing, toileting, changing, feeding, chilling etc.), what i have a problem with is socially interacting with people, both the staff and the residents. hopefully that'll get better with time. i like it better working in a structured environment where i know exactly what i have to do. i'm so freaking awkward at work, i hate it. but for the most part i enjoy it, i really like the people who live there, i feel good about doing it and the pay is pretty sweet.
i was going to go to see the features on thursday but i think it's sold out :( anyone want to see kimya dawson/the honorary title/tegan and sara with me on wednesday at bowery? actually i'm going over kenyon's. and by the way we broke up. we're still buddies though. how about mates of state/regina spektor/ida next friday? tomorrow i'm going to wander around brooklyn with laura and finally get some FOODSWINGS. next tuesday i'm going to rhode island with laura to visit ms. koenig. wednesday is kenyon day...some time this week i should be having a dinner party with ace. everyone who's reading this i want to hang out with you. some time in the next 2 weeks. ok.
i did nothing today and it was pretty lame. tonight i'm going to pretend i'm creative and try to make something.
i went to the witches brew too many times so far this winter. but i love it.
( moremoremore )
oh and i did pretty well this semester, i got a 3.3 which is actually really good when compared to my grades from last year. i think (knock on wood) i've finally got my shit together.
well i think that's all folks. i know most of you in real life anyway, so i'll see you around. my screename is countingstarsx, in case the lack of candice on your friends page leaves you with a gaping hole in your heart. and i'm still on myspace for the time being, e-mail is oh_raindrops@yahoo.com. ooh and if anyone would like to be pen pals that would be sweet, contact me and we'll exchange addresses. i'm not deleting this because i want to come back and read it in the future. ok, well it's been fun. ciao. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|10:50 pm] |
i hate feeling like people only want to be friends when it's convenient for them. i feel like other people always mean more to me than i do to them, i hate being so fucking disposable. i try so hard to be happy and pretend that everything is ok but it all falls apart so quickly. i'm not talking about any one person. this always happens, and it always happens with a number of people at once. it must be something about me that makes it happen over and over. if there is i wish people would just tell me instead of ignoring me. maybe i'm just being crazy and blowing things out of proportion...i don't know.
i alse hate that the internet is my main form of communication with most people. i wish i could just delete this stupid thing, along with myspace and aim. it's all so fake and distant. i don't think i have the balls to actually do it though.
at least i'll be seeing a lot of people the next few days at doug and heather's parties, and then it will practically be christmas and i'll be with my family. something needs to change. |
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| love. is all my crippled soul. will ever need. |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|12:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited/nervous/busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the rapture-love is all | ] |
before:
after:
wow, i feel so much better about life when my room is clean. now i just need to finish 2 short essays , write 3 papers (one of which i'm just going to rework from an older one) study for 2 finals and finish 6 drawings, then the month long good-times can begin. yeah, that's all i have to do. in 2 1/2 days. i'm such an ass. i had plenty of time to do this but i'm little miss last minute. oh well. as long as everything gets done (fingers crossed) it's all good, that's just the way i roll.
so the caroling party was tonight, it got me all in the christmas spirit. it was all family/family friends (including jen and her boyfriend) and cole's neighborhood friends. jen and joe (the boyfriend) do ballroom dancing and they did a dance for us that was from dirty dancing. it was hot, i wish i could dance.
i need to get a fake id. if anyone knows where i could get a good one then...tell me.
THREE MORE FREAKING DAYS. i can do this. it will be ok.
ew last night when this song came on i got really sick out of nowhere. it was like 2:30 in the morning, i got really nauseous and fevery and was leaning over the toilet bowl. then i just like passed out and felt better in the morning, thank god. i think it was just stress/lack of sleep/staring at the computer too long. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|01:49 am] |
one time kenyon was carlos d.
and i was there too.
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|04:38 pm] |
today i had to draw an old naked man named dennis. i thought it would be weird but it wasn't.
i got the job at maryhaven! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|12:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | wasty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | david bowie-rebel rebel | ] |
does the second picture seem really inappropriate to anyone else, or am i just a pervert? it's been on my home page forever, and it bothers me.
i'm staying up to do work. i'm not tired anyway. it's a monday night trend, apparently.
it's been a david bowie day, friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2004|01:07 pm] |
i hate when the calendar is on the last page. i'm going to miss marilyn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my favorite-the suburbs are killing me | ] |
so this morning i had the maryhaven interview. it went relatively well, i'm going to another interview on monday at the house in medford. everyone seems so worried and against me getting this job. i'm not 100% sure i want it either. i wish applying to jobs was like applying to colleges, and you could apply to a bunch of places and then choose which was best for you. and i wish they had like job open houses. but since they don't, and i want a job where i can help people one on one, this seems like a good job for me. if i don't get it i want to look more into homeless shelters and such. i hate retail and never want to work in it again. i want a job that feels real, that i feel good about doing. if do get hired then i have to go to a week long orientation which interferes with my winter class, but i might just drop my winter class. it's probably better that way for my own sanity. i need to hang out with everyone over break. i need to go ice skating in the city and get tofu buffalo wings. that's all i want to do right now.
anyway after that i went to the library to look for the romance of tristan which they didn't have, i just may be screwed for this paper. so since i was there i took out cds, kiss me kiss me kiss me by the cure, the smiths self titled, the happiest days of our lives by my favorite, music from the gilmore girls and the pieces of april soundtrack. the pieces of april soundtrack is so amazing, it's all the magnetic fields, the 6ths and stephen merritt. i love his voice, if maple syrup could sing it would sound like stephen merritt. the songwriting is beautiful too, as is the film itself. the gilmore girls one isn't as good as i thought it would be, but it's alright. i used to love gilmore girls (shut up), and i probably still would if i watched it. jackson, if you're reading this, i guess i was wrong when i said we went to the same library because mine (longwood) didn't have from a basement on a hill :(
what's the word for people who are mirror images of each other, like opposites, and when they meet one of them has to kill the other? gobblegangers? dobblegangers?
tonight i must write a paper about humans destroying the environment. coincidentally the people across the street from me decided they no longer want any trees on their property and are in the middle of tearing them all down. what the fuck is wrong with people, i hate long island. i also saw this beautiful giant herring fly out from the swampy area behind the library and into the concrete paradise that is the walmart parking lot and it was just so wrong. i really hate humans sometimes.
i'm getting so excited for the polar bear swim on new years. so excited. someone needs to tape it for us.
i like drawing with charcoal. it's soothing, like playing with play-doh. i'm going to draw now actually.
p.s. i really have no concept of time, and that's probably my biggest problem in life. well not that itself but the problems it causes, the way i'm always late and not concerned with the clock. or maybe it's just because i'm a lazy bastard. i also have no set sleeping schedule, no matter how hard i try. i hate it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|12:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | procrastinatory | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tahiti 80-get yourself together | ] |
guys, i really love pop music from my middle school years. like jellyhead by crush, charm attack by leona naess and lovefool by the cardigans. if you can think of any similar songs please share, i want to make a wonderful/terrible mix cd. anything poppy and happy that was made between 96 and 98 is game.
my mom is having a christmas party for my little brother and we're going caroling. all of you are welcome to come. it will be great, i can assure you. oh and it's saturday the 18th. ok.
i kind of feel like i'm going to vomit, and that's always fun. i haven't been taking very good care of myself lately, after the semester's over that's all changing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|10:56 pm] |
the next two weeks are going to be hell. i actually have to do work, and we all know what happens when candice carr and schoolwork collide, bad things. there will be much procrastination, whining, self pity and sleepless nights.
my hair smells really good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|02:47 am] |
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i think it's really funny when people like dinosaur jr because i always remember this time when i was like 9 and i saw them play on jenny jones after a segment on out of control slutbag teens and i could never even attempt to take them seriously after that. and don't ask me why i was watching jenny jones in the first place. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|02:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | wound up | ] |
| [ | music |
| | zoey-she will only make you happy (6th time) | ] |
dude, daria and my so called life, two of my favorite tv shows ever are both on "the-n" (i hate calling it that, i much prefer nog), but at 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. lame. it's so tempting to stay up, but no. i must stay strong. i must go to bed.
i like this song a lot, i think it's called "she will only make you happy" by zoey. it's on somebody's myspace page and i just keep listening over and over.
i feel so sick, probably because i drank two snapples tonight. i was so thristy and we have no filtered water, and i'm paranoid the tap water will give me cancer, so snapple it was. ugh.
bed bed bed. my life would be so much better if i didn't have a computer or television. well, i rarely watch television...just when i do i get sucked in. the computer is much worse.
oh wait, one more thing, i applied at the maryhaven in yaphank (it was the only one with hours i could do) and they called me to set up an interview. it's like an assisted living place, they have different programs, like for children/adults with mental handicaps, elderly people, etc. i'm not sure which this place has. it's a six person residence and it's opening some time in december, that's all i know. i don't know if i would definately go to that one either, they have different locations. i wasn't expecting them to call me, every other time i've looked for a job i had to apply to a bunch of places and be a pest to get the job. i said i wanted a job where i could help people, but i'm scared it will be too intense. well, i haven't even scheduled an interview yet so i guess i'm getting ahead of myself.
oh and me and kenyon made a tape today, i'm going to listen to it now.
oh oh and i watched cole tonight and we watched the new harry potter movie. i wish i was a wizard :(
oh oh oh and my brother is going to court tommorow? and i had no idea until tonight. wtf.
machiavelli's the prince is insufferable. it's good bedtime reading material though, better than sleeping pills. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|10:49 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | yo la tengo-return to hot chicken | ] |
attention anyone who would have been getting me a christmas gift: do not get me one, for i will not be getting you one. we're all poor college students, and there's no need. i'm going to try and make things for people (drawings, pictures, stories, cds, etc.) but no promises, because most of you know what a flake i am.
i took a bunch of other ones that were cool by i was naked sooo, yeah. |
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| OH |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|12:57 am] |
were any of you recently in a situation with me where we met a cat named boots? i have this really clear memory of going to someone's house and their cat running by and them going "oh that's boots, like the clintons' cat. we're not very original." but i can't think of a time when that actually could have happened. maybe it was a very realistic dream. that's happened before. i can't differentiate between dreams and reality unless something in the dream is clearly unrealistic and couldn't have fit in with my life. but little things, like a cat named boots, i can't tell. that's probably not a good thing. did the clinton's even have a cat named boots? i think they did. also i think you should know that every time i make a long entry, like the last one, i have to read it over like 20 times, not exaggerating. not even to check for mistakes or anyting, just because. it drives me crazy.
edit-maybe the cat was in a movie? i'm scared. |
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| my thanksgiving vacation. |
[Nov. 28th, 2004|11:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | the decembrists-billy liar | ] |
so i was wrong when i said i wouldn't see anyone this weekend, it was chock full of seeing people, and i haven't been home since friday morning.
wednesday night i went to see kinsey with kenyon, gus, alicia and scott. i have mixed feelings about it, not the movie so much as kinsey himself. which reminds me, i was going to do some 'research' on him but i forgot. oops. so that night me and kenyon got in a huge fight and it was bothering me all of thanksgiving. we eventually worked it out, but i didn't see him all weekend. well until today.
thanksgiving itself was good, it's always good to see my family. i didn't eat much because i was too lazy to make vegan food, so i mostly just had plain vegetables. my little cousins slept over and i watched elf (i looooved it, i can't even look at will ferrel without bursting into hysterics) and played monopoly with them.
i didn't work at all this weekend because the farmstand is dead and doesn't have christmas stuff yet. i hope it doesn't get any, i hope we just close. i think they're probably going to go out of business. i want to get another job already. not working actually worked out well because i had a lot of fun and got to hang out with people, even though it sucks that i have no money. but that's nothing new.
anyway, friday i went to build a bear with my mom, cole and cousins. i really hate going to the mall, it makes me feel so dirty. i can't stand seeing everyone in their ridiculous clothing throwing all their money around, i hate being a part of it. i don't know how my brother stands working there. i spent $12 this weekend (not at the mall) and it makes me feel so guilty and disgusting. i have to stop freaking out about it.
after that horrible ordeal i went over the stephanie's house and we hung around and went on some adventures. believe it or not i went to more stores, we went to saver's just to try stuff on for old time's sake, and she went shopping at kohl's. i had such a good time though because we were just being ridiculous. liz came over and we looked at old pictures and were goobers. i slept over and went to liz's the next day.
liz and i went to caumsett in hopes of rollerblading, but they don't allow it so we walked around for like 3 hours. later on we picked up steph again and went to the witch's brew and got amazing dessert and tea. AMAZING. everyone needs to go there over winter break. then liz and i went to her friend's house in oyster bay and to some party in port washington for a little while which was lame (as every party i've ever been to has been), so we went to starbucks, then dunkin donuts then another dunkin donuts because we kept getting kicked out. i slept over last night and helped liz pack today.
so i was on my way home, unshowered and wearing the same clothes for the last three days (i never intended to stay over anyone's house) and i got the sudden urge to see kenyon. so i drove to his house on the way home and surprised him. i'm so happy i did because it was such a good day and i was so glad to see him after fighting and then not seeing him for a few days. i didn't want to go home, but i finally did and thus my long weekend of smelling and mooching off of people's food and gas is over. it's been fun.
( oh hey, here's some pictures ) |
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| i love her surreptitious smile that hides the pain within |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|12:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | b&s | ] |
( what do YOU think this song is about? )
come on now, don't be shy.
i'm so excited for thanksgiving. i need to get/make tofurkey, man.
i bet i'm not going to hang out with anyone who's home from school the whole thanksgiving break. because that's the way it always goes, despite all the "WE NEED TO HANG OUT#&%$*@#&!!!"s.
i put makeup on my little brother today.
warriors, come out and pla-aaaay.
i will give you a dollar if you know what that's from. except you kenyon. i've had it stuck in my head since yesterday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2004|12:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the gorillaz-sound check (gravity) | ] |
i just cleaned my mirrors for the first time in forever, and it really freaks me out to see myself so clearly and not hidden under a layer of dust. i feel like i'm looking out a window at somebody else.
in other news: i'm freaking out way too much about future (work, school, career, etc). i know i still have time to decide, but i can't help thinking and worrying. i just talked to kenyon about it for like 2 hours. i'm the worst person in the world at making decisions. after i graduate from suffolk i'm probably going to take time off if i still don't know what i want. maybe i'll do americorps after all.
i scheduled classes today. i'm taking philosphy this winter, and in the spring i'm taking western civ II, history of religion, human communication, photography, pilates and freshman comp. yes, i'm taking freshman english in my third semester here. when i first transferred they said my credits from warren wilson would be transferred, but they were not, and now i have to take a few freshman classes. i even have to take an orientation class, which is ridiculous. i'm going to try and get out of it, but i don't know if i can. anyway, two days a week are at brentwood and two are at selden. brentwood has a pool and i'm going to try and swim those two days a week. did i mention laura and i want to do the nyc triathalon next fall? well, we do, so i have to get my ass in gear.
i'm going to the dentist tomorrow morning to have my teeth cleaned/be tortured. i can't wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|10:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bryan ferry and roxy music-slave to love | ] |
"life is so brief and time is a thief when you're undecided."
i like that. rod stewart, young turks. it was my mom's yearbook quote. |
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| i would never be a polar bear without you, never. |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|11:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | elbow-not a job | ] |
on january 1st, 2005 laura and myself will be reborn from the icy cold waters of coney island along side hundreds of saggy old people. i'm finally going to live my life long dream of joining the polar bears. i simply cannot wait. i'm going to buy one of those sweet old lady swimming caps, with the strap under the chin, so i can look the part. like this. oh yes.
p.s. i'm really liking the dresden dolls right now. i can't believe i never listened to them before. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2004|05:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the dresden dolls-coin operated boy | ] |
things that are totally sweet*:
1. clementines.
2. the satellite radio my dad got.
3. interpol.
4. foodswings.
5. the sandwich i just ate, which consisted of fake bacon, lettuce and hummus on toasted wheat bread.
6. the fact that i was lucky enough to have all of the above in my weekend.
*i use the word sweet way too much, and i'm completely serious when i say it. i used to say it jokingly, thanks to napoleon dynamite, but now i'm so used to it that it just slips out.
here's the longer version, if you're interested. thursday night i met kenyon at saints & sinners for what, i've since found out, will be the last time. that's right, sadly saints & sinners is closing. i'm going to the last show on tuesday, if anyone else would like to go for one final (and/or first) time then get your ass down there too. so i slept over and the next day we went to see interpol in the city. i thought the whole show was awesome, the opening bands were really good, interpol was great. i'm mad i didn't bring my camera because the lighting was so freaking cool. i saw inur and megan murray there, which was weird, i didn't know they were into that kind of music. i hate megan, bleh...but i accidently punched her in the face while putting my coat on so it was ok. i was glad to see inur though, she gave me her number and stuff. i also saw kim rooney on the train to and from the city, but i didn't say anything. oh and i was standing right next to this little floozy my brother once cheated on his girlfriend with, i didn't say hi to her either. i love running into people i know. kenyon saw like 3 or 4 people he knew too.
saturday i worked and froze my ass off. then at night i went to laura's and we got foodswings and watched my so-called life. i love that show so much, i never want to stop watching, i get hooked. laura got me a plush unicorn! and i named it bruno! and hers is georgina! we named them after this british couple that's on our dolphin video from mexico!
jeeez i love this radio station. i keep running downstairs to see what band it is because the thingy displays what's playing. right now they're playing jenny by stellastarr*, and i love this song, and it's good.
i'm in such a grand mood today out of nowhere, i was pretty down all of last week. i think i had too much free time. i don't handle free time well. this is a good example right here, because i have tons and tons of drawing to do and i should get cracking, but instead i'm putzing around on livejournal. i have to pull it together with school, i was doing so well in the beginning and now i'm getting lazy.
oh i just remembered my dream from this morning...i was skipping work and i was in port jeff with kenyon, and my boss, al drove by and saw me and got all pissed. and then kenyon confessed something to me, like some crime, i don't know what it was. and he told his friends about it, and they had to turn him in. so we had to drive him to fordham, which was apparently a court or prison. i was so upset about it and he wasn't that upset. it seemed so real and it was scary, but then i realized that i was like half awake and jumped up and went to work. aren't you glad i shared my dream?
uni! |
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