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kamikaze candice

[ website | my calling in life. ]
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sayonara lj [Jan. 10th, 2005|05:42 pm]
kamikaze candice
[mood |okayokay]
[music |outkast-the love below]

sorry to jump on the bandwagon folks but this is going to be my final lj entry. for now anyhow. i'm sure you know my reasoning so i'll skip that spiel. on with the update, ay!

so christmas was swell, and lots of people had christmas parties and that was sweet. new years we went to hogwags, and new year's day (this was the best part) we swam with the motherfucking CONEY ISLAND POLAR BEAR CLUB. it was probably one of the best days of my life. there were so many people there, it was such a big party, and it was beautiful and warm out. there were so many weirdos and fun people. the actual swim was so much fun, it lasted like 3 minutes but it was 3 minutes of sheer joy. i have a little video of us doing it, i'll show you if you ask me.

since new years i've pretty much been working. i had to do two weeks of training/orientation, yesterday was my first official day. in some ways i really love the job but in other ways i'm not crazy about it. i have no problem with actually caring for the people (bathing, toileting, changing, feeding, chilling etc.), what i have a problem with is socially interacting with people, both the staff and the residents. hopefully that'll get better with time. i like it better working in a structured environment where i know exactly what i have to do. i'm so freaking awkward at work, i hate it. but for the most part i enjoy it, i really like the people who live there, i feel good about doing it and the pay is pretty sweet.

i was going to go to see the features on thursday but i think it's sold out :( anyone want to see kimya dawson/the honorary title/tegan and sara with me on wednesday at bowery? actually i'm going over kenyon's. and by the way we broke up. we're still buddies though. how about mates of state/regina spektor/ida next friday? tomorrow i'm going to wander around brooklyn with laura and finally get some FOODSWINGS. next tuesday i'm going to rhode island with laura to visit ms. koenig. wednesday is kenyon day...some time this week i should be having a dinner party with ace. everyone who's reading this i want to hang out with you. some time in the next 2 weeks. ok.

i did nothing today and it was pretty lame. tonight i'm going to pretend i'm creative and try to make something.

i went to the witches brew too many times so far this winter. but i love it.




moremoremoreCollapse )

oh and i did pretty well this semester, i got a 3.3 which is actually really good when compared to my grades from last year. i think (knock on wood) i've finally got my shit together.

well i think that's all folks. i know most of you in real life anyway, so i'll see you around. my screename is countingstarsx, in case the lack of candice on your friends page leaves you with a gaping hole in your heart. and i'm still on myspace for the time being, e-mail is oh_raindrops@yahoo.com. ooh and if anyone would like to be pen pals that would be sweet, contact me and we'll exchange addresses. i'm not deleting this because i want to come back and read it in the future. ok, well it's been fun. ciao.
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(no subject) [Dec. 20th, 2004|10:50 pm]
kamikaze candice
i hate feeling like people only want to be friends when it's convenient for them. i feel like other people always mean more to me than i do to them, i hate being so fucking disposable. i try so hard to be happy and pretend that everything is ok but it all falls apart so quickly. i'm not talking about any one person. this always happens, and it always happens with a number of people at once. it must be something about me that makes it happen over and over. if there is i wish people would just tell me instead of ignoring me. maybe i'm just being crazy and blowing things out of proportion...i don't know.

i alse hate that the internet is my main form of communication with most people. i wish i could just delete this stupid thing, along with myspace and aim. it's all so fake and distant. i don't think i have the balls to actually do it though.

at least i'll be seeing a lot of people the next few days at doug and heather's parties, and then it will practically be christmas and i'll be with my family. something needs to change.
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love. is all my crippled soul. will ever need. [Dec. 19th, 2004|12:53 am]
kamikaze candice
[mood |excited/nervous/busy]
[music |the rapture-love is all]

before:


after:


wow, i feel so much better about life when my room is clean. now i just need to finish 2 short essays , write 3 papers (one of which i'm just going to rework from an older one) study for 2 finals and finish 6 drawings, then the month long good-times can begin. yeah, that's all i have to do. in 2 1/2 days. i'm such an ass. i had plenty of time to do this but i'm little miss last minute. oh well. as long as everything gets done (fingers crossed) it's all good, that's just the way i roll.

so the caroling party was tonight, it got me all in the christmas spirit. it was all family/family friends (including jen and her boyfriend) and cole's neighborhood friends. jen and joe (the boyfriend) do ballroom dancing and they did a dance for us that was from dirty dancing. it was hot, i wish i could dance.

i need to get a fake id. if anyone knows where i could get a good one then...tell me.

THREE MORE FREAKING DAYS. i can do this. it will be ok.

ew last night when this song came on i got really sick out of nowhere. it was like 2:30 in the morning, i got really nauseous and fevery and was leaning over the toilet bowl. then i just like passed out and felt better in the morning, thank god. i think it was just stress/lack of sleep/staring at the computer too long.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2004|01:49 am]
kamikaze candice
one time kenyon was carlos d.
C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\OLYMPUS\Camedia Master 4\Album\Samples\october 29th\carlos d

and i was there too.
C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\OLYMPUS\Camedia Master 4\Album\Samples\october 29th\candice c
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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2004|04:38 pm]
kamikaze candice
today i had to draw an old naked man named dennis. i thought it would be weird but it wasn't.

i got the job at maryhaven!
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(no subject) [Dec. 14th, 2004|12:56 am]
kamikaze candice
[mood |wasty]
[music |david bowie-rebel rebel]



does the second picture seem really inappropriate to anyone else, or am i just a pervert? it's been on my home page forever, and it bothers me.

i'm staying up to do work. i'm not tired anyway. it's a monday night trend, apparently.

it's been a david bowie day, friends.
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(no subject) [Dec. 9th, 2004|01:07 pm]
kamikaze candice
P1130003

i hate when the calendar is on the last page. i'm going to miss marilyn.
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2004|07:37 pm]
kamikaze candice
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |my favorite-the suburbs are killing me]

so this morning i had the maryhaven interview. it went relatively well, i'm going to another interview on monday at the house in medford. everyone seems so worried and against me getting this job. i'm not 100% sure i want it either. i wish applying to jobs was like applying to colleges, and you could apply to a bunch of places and then choose which was best for you. and i wish they had like job open houses. but since they don't, and i want a job where i can help people one on one, this seems like a good job for me. if i don't get it i want to look more into homeless shelters and such. i hate retail and never want to work in it again. i want a job that feels real, that i feel good about doing. if do get hired then i have to go to a week long orientation which interferes with my winter class, but i might just drop my winter class. it's probably better that way for my own sanity. i need to hang out with everyone over break. i need to go ice skating in the city and get tofu buffalo wings. that's all i want to do right now.

anyway after that i went to the library to look for the romance of tristan which they didn't have, i just may be screwed for this paper. so since i was there i took out cds, kiss me kiss me kiss me by the cure, the smiths self titled, the happiest days of our lives by my favorite, music from the gilmore girls and the pieces of april soundtrack. the pieces of april soundtrack is so amazing, it's all the magnetic fields, the 6ths and stephen merritt. i love his voice, if maple syrup could sing it would sound like stephen merritt. the songwriting is beautiful too, as is the film itself. the gilmore girls one isn't as good as i thought it would be, but it's alright. i used to love gilmore girls (shut up), and i probably still would if i watched it. jackson, if you're reading this, i guess i was wrong when i said we went to the same library because mine (longwood) didn't have from a basement on a hill :(

what's the word for people who are mirror images of each other, like opposites, and when they meet one of them has to kill the other? gobblegangers? dobblegangers?

tonight i must write a paper about humans destroying the environment. coincidentally the people across the street from me decided they no longer want any trees on their property and are in the middle of tearing them all down. what the fuck is wrong with people, i hate long island. i also saw this beautiful giant herring fly out from the swampy area behind the library and into the concrete paradise that is the walmart parking lot and it was just so wrong. i really hate humans sometimes.

i'm getting so excited for the polar bear swim on new years. so excited. someone needs to tape it for us.

i like drawing with charcoal. it's soothing, like playing with play-doh. i'm going to draw now actually.

p.s. i really have no concept of time, and that's probably my biggest problem in life. well not that itself but the problems it causes, the way i'm always late and not concerned with the clock. or maybe it's just because i'm a lazy bastard. i also have no set sleeping schedule, no matter how hard i try. i hate it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2004|12:00 am]
kamikaze candice
[mood |procrastinatory]
[music |tahiti 80-get yourself together]

guys, i really love pop music from my middle school years. like jellyhead by crush, charm attack by leona naess and lovefool by the cardigans. if you can think of any similar songs please share, i want to make a wonderful/terrible mix cd. anything poppy and happy that was made between 96 and 98 is game.

my mom is having a christmas party for my little brother and we're going caroling. all of you are welcome to come. it will be great, i can assure you. oh and it's saturday the 18th. ok.

i kind of feel like i'm going to vomit, and that's always fun. i haven't been taking very good care of myself lately, after the semester's over that's all changing.
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(no subject) [Dec. 6th, 2004|10:56 pm]
kamikaze candice
the next two weeks are going to be hell. i actually have to do work, and we all know what happens when candice carr and schoolwork collide, bad things. there will be much procrastination, whining, self pity and sleepless nights.

my hair smells really good.
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